Tag Archives: humor

Kids and that stuff they say…

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It is true. No one else will tell you the heart-breaking truth quite like kids do.

Sometimes, I wish I could erase the question I just asked my girls and move on. I always said that I was going to keep a journal of the things my girls said as they are young. But, unfortunately I didn’t and my mind (to my surprise) has lost some things from the past. There are a select few that I am pretty sure I can never forget. I do wish I would just carry a camcorder around with me always…I’m sure I could make money off of what my youngest says now. I am listing some of my favorites below-

SOO-SEEย 

It’s pronounced like shoe-she.

Sushi

LIMBOย 

Limo

F-in Milk (I chose not to write the whole first word out) ๐Ÿ˜‰

Chocolate Milk

Fly like a cheese stick

and that is what the song was called, not…

ย  I could probably go on forever. Both of my girls have such amazing personalities that I am thankful for each day. Now, when my 6 yr old tells me that I look so different and funny with my make-up off…That is when I wish she would keep at least 10% of her thoughts to herself. ๐Ÿ™‚

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The day my cat ate a fake eyelash

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This was taken after the first fake eyelash was a goner, and she was moving on to the next one.ย 

Shadow & Smokey- those are my cats. Well, they look like cats, but sometimes they surely don’t act like it. Shadow- (the smart one) likes to play catch. It is played with a hairbow, and if you don’t play with her for awhile…she will climb up in the closet, get a hairbow out of the container and bring it to you. Smokey (the over-sized one) he is just plain fat, but I was trying to be nice. He chases his tail, begs for scraps at dinner and is a bully to his sister. Oh, and they both love to play in the water. Identity crisis?? I think so! I am surprised they don’t bark instead of meow at me.

They also don’t eat normal things. Not only does Shadow like to play catch with hairbows, she likes to eat them too. Smokey loves Q-tips…I don’t get it either. I have to hide things like that from them, or I am afraid one day he will die from cotton overdose. This one is great, look at the picture below…

If you gave Shadow the choice of the having the item on the left (yummy cat treats) versus the item on the right (eye makeup remover), she would choose the one on the right EVERY time. She will literally wait till I take my eye makeup off at night and steal the tissue with the remover on it and go hide to lick it. Forget having to lock up prescription drugs or household cleaners from my kids, I am going to have to lock up things from my crazy cats. When she decided to chow down on one of my fake eyelashes the other day (that I had worn on Halloween) I truly wasn’t surprised.

My 10yr old is responsible for cleaning out their litter box. On a few occasions, she has found some cat poo with pieces of hairbows sticking out of it. I have now warned her that she needs to look out for some hairy poo soon. I am pretty sure that she despises having to clean the litter box as one of her chores. I told her to look at it as a surprise….you never know what you will find! ๐Ÿ˜‰

On to the next one…Ho, Ho, Ho

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Throw out the pumpkins, and scary decorations…it’s time for the next Holiday, well kind of.ย Wal-Mart and Target are already ready. Heck, they have been ready for the past month with their shelves already stocked full of Christmas items. Before you know it, Christmas decorations will start coming out with 4TH of July fireworks. You could have Santa flying out of a rocket!

Do you ever wonder what happened to Thanksgiving?? That holiday gets the short end of the stick. The decorations are thrown in with Halloween, a few festive turkey’s here and there, but who can find them over the fake blood and animated life-size murderer’s to put at your front door.

I think there should be a good 2 weeks between the Halloween/Fall decorations, to when the Christmas ones arrive. Isn’t this time of year hectic enough without creating a sense of urgency to buy a tree before the weather even turns cold? I guess if I waited in Florida for the weather to turn cold before I start decorating for the Holidays, I would be waiting closer to Valentine’s day!

I am trying to put the emphasis on being more thankful this year. Hopefully, my thankful vase will help a little. I am also going to refuse to put up Christmas decorations till after Thanksgiving has past. Let’s get through that first! I can only focus on a few things at a time with this older age that has hit me. I think I may make a 10ft sign to put up in my house that says BE THANKFUL this month, and possibly get a pet turkey. My girls might wonder what happens to the turkey when November 24th rolls around. But, I will worry about that a little later! ๐Ÿ˜‰

HAPPY NOVEMBER!!

Keep in mind what you are thankful for!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Holy Halloween Batman!

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The official day is upon us!!

Everyone has been gearing up for this day, and now it’s finally here. I know this weekend was filled with Halloween parties, pumpkin patches, trunk or treats and all kinds of fun festive stuff. Facebook is covered in party pictures, and profile pictures are being changed left and right to show off fabulous costumes. I am pretty impressed this year with some of the costumes I have seen. Some people got all snazzed up, others just got as naked as possible. Someone on my Facebook made the comment…A lot of girls are making their daddy’s proud this weekend! Haha- So very true!

Tonight is the important trick or treat time. This is how our trick or treating will go…

6:30- Leave the house and start traveling down the street, ringing door bells.

6:35- My youngest will pass off her trick or treat bag because it’s already getting too heavy for her.

6:45- All of a sudden water will be needed as if they are about to die of dehydration.

6:55- Their bags are already full. Is it time to be done now MOMMY?

7:00- Back to our house…trick or treating -DONE!

I am not sure if I should think my kids are somewhat lazy, or they are just excited about having more than a few pieces of candy in their possession. (We never keep much candy in the house) I guess I should be happy they don’t want to keep me out for hours. I just feel like perfectly good costumes aren’t being used like they should be. I think next year, I will have them start wearing their costumes at the beginning of October when we go to Target, the Mall, Publix, and out to eat, then I will feel like we got our monies worth. Just watch, they will probably hate their costumes before Halloween gets there!

All I know is, we played it a little different back in the day.

This sign would have been laughed at…

Seriously?? People are mighty trusting nowadays with Trick or Treaters!

And this was your trick or treat bag…

A trash bag!

I’d say we were trick or treating for several hours. Get done in your own subdivision? Move on to the next one! Kids just don’t have the stamina these days!

Here is my costume this year (with my mister who decided to not even come close to matching me) He scared a small child on Saturday night at a party we went to. I think it made him feel proud of his outfit.

It’s a little blurry because my 10 yr old has issues with my iPhone camera.

I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A-

Thoughts from Kindergarteners

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Today I went to volunteer in my youngest daughters classroom. She is in the best grade at school, Kindergarten. I really don’t know how you can be around a bunch of 5 yr olds and be in a bad mood. Even if they aren’t listening and a bit unruly, they still have the funniest things to say. The bulletin boards outside the classrooms always have the best artwork. Before going in my daughters class this morning, I decided to read what all the kids had to say. I took a couple of pictures and I want to share those with you.

I think the first sentence says..The dad does all the hunting and owls eat skunks and mice. This next one, I am a little confused about- Babe owls colon owlet??

Proper punctuation on this one was key! For a minute I thought this child wrote that animals eat children in the fall! What a horrible season it would be then.

What my family does together- Either they have a green tornado in their house that they play in together, or they need to invest in a pool guy so they can have blue water in their poor pool!

When I saw this picture all I thought was, her dad must be a clown!

Of course today all they could talk about was Halloween, their costumes, all the candy they would be getting tonight, and how long it was going to be before night time came. One little girl told me that instead of getting candy when she goes trick or treating, she gets money. I asked her where she lived and told her we would show up at 6 o’ clock sharp!

Iย (I mean), my girls would love to go trick or treating in that subdivision!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

A ghostly tale

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With Halloween upon us, the ghost stories/movies are on tv by the dozens. Everyone has their own opinion about whether or not ghosts are real. Some think its hog-wash, while others are big time believers. Well, I happen to be the later and I will tell you why in my…

GHOSTLY TALE

When I was in my early 20’s, I used to work in property management. My first job in that field was at the Ashford Apartments in Chattanooga, TN. The leasing office is in a mansion, atop a hill surrounded by apartment buildings. It is a beautiful mansion where many weddings take place throughout the year. What isn’t so beautiful is what happened one dark night while I was closing up by myself.

(This is where the scary music needs to start playing)

I guess now it has changed names to Riverview Grande, but here is a picture of the Mansion Clubhouse.

Not a shabby place to work in, right??

That’s what I thought, until this night. It was the time of year when it started getting darker earlier. Everyone else had left a little early, so I was responsible for closing up. Now, when I first started working here, I had heard some “stories” of the ghost that lived in the mansion. Until then, I thought it was just silly and was someone’s way of trying to scare the poo out of me because they knew I was a scaredy cat. The ghosts name was Mary, and she was a little girl who stayed on the top floor. I was told that she had hung herself on the banister of the grand staircase because of her horrible, mean father. I tried not to think much about it, but my eyes would always travel to the top of the staircase every time I walked in or out of the front door. I would occasionally think I heard something, and then chalk it up to my mind trying to screw with me.

This night, it was definitely not just my mind. The office is located inside and has several interior doors you have to lock up before exiting the building. I had locked every door, was setting the alarm and walked by the office door on the way to the front door. The office door was a french door, so obviously you could see through it. I saw something whisk past the other side of the door and then my chair behind my desk starting rolling across the floor. Was the air/heat on, no..were the floors terribly uneven, no…was there anyone hiding under the desk trying to make me have a heart attack, no…had we had an earthquake, no. Every possible explanation has gone through my head. Am I crazy…I have not had an official diagnosis yet, so don’t go blaming it on that! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Was it Mary? I’m not sure. But what I do know is, a real live person did NOT make that happen.

Did I ever close up the mansion by myself again? Hell no!!

Do you have a ghost story? I would love to hear it!

Which one can’t you live without?

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Okay, I might have been a little sarcastic with the title of this post. Because I am talking about the ever so popular things that we find…

Which one is your favorite??

What I have caved into buying

  • Ped-Egg– works beautifully
  • Slap Chop– crying while cutting onions? no more!!
  • Ab-Circle– Hahahahaha! That was sent right back. Going in circles doesn’t give you super sized abs. Who would have thought!?!
  • Push up pro– not too shabby. But, nothing will make push-ups ever fun and enjoyable!
  • Snuggie– this was bought for me. Doesn’t everyone have to have one??
  • Smooth Away– make it to where you don’t have to shave or get laser hair removal, dang it- I fell for it. Now I use it as a play-doh smasher when I play with my girls.
ย Now, these just make me chuckle..
Spending $100’s on bras that make your boobs look natural?? Oh no, you want to go for the, I-wanna-poke-your-eye-out look.
Beware cosmetic dentists, you are going to lose so much business because of this. The lady went from looking like she has tobacco teeth to Ross Geller white instantly!
Ugliest house shoes ever!!
Now we are just being super lazy. Is it that hard to cut brownies after they cool off?
Modern day fanny pack. For all you “fanny lovers” out there, it’s time to upgrade!
And, my new favorite
Pajama Jeans!!!!
Why worry about having to change from bed to work?? They just took all the painful guess-work out of deciding what to wear in the morning. They even say on the commercial you will want to wear them EVERYDAY! Problem solved ๐Ÿ™‚
What is your favorite AS SEEN ON TV product?