My failed attempts at becoming Ms. Susie Homemaker

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Did this lady have too much coffee?? No, someone must be standing behind her with a gun, making her say those crazy words!

My failed attempts at becoming Ms. Susie Homemaker

*Before you judge, some of these things I am going to list, happened to me the first time I tried, “making house.” So, don’t go thinking I am completely homemaker challenged.

  • Did you happen to know the bottom drawer of a gas stove is not a drawer for pans? Growing up with an electric stove, I had no idea. It’s the broiler. My nice new pans met an awful fiery grave.
  • DO NOT, I repeat do not use Dishwashing Liquid in the dishwasher. See, they just confuse you with this one. They should just call it sink dish soap instead. Anyone could have made that mistake. RESULT: my kitchen turned into a bubble bath.
  • King size comforters cannot be washed in a normal size washer. Hey, the lady at the dry cleaners said it would be $35 to clean it. So, I stuffed and stuffed and then some flooding occurred. RESULT: I had an indoor pool for a day.
  • Did you know you can actually burn something in a crock pot? I made that happen, somehow. I call that, skill.
  • I blew up a microwave. All I am going to say is I put something in there that wasn’t supposed to go.
  • Vacuum cleaners despise me. I think I have broken 4 in the past 2 years. I am not quite sure, I have lost count.
  • Irons and steamers have it out for me. 2nd degree burns on my hands, arms, whatever they can get to. I haven’t figured out what I ever did to them to deserve this kind of treatment.
Don’t feel too sorry for me…I have improved over the years. My cooking has gotten considerably better, clothes get de-wrinkled from the dryer, I went back to ONLY electric appliances, I use my microwave for popcorn and to melt butter, that’s it. I have a lifetime supply of REAL dishwashing detergent, and to clean my comforter, I just give it a sponge bath. But, the vacuum cleaners are still winning. Curse those little suckers!
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17 responses »

  1. Hahahahha! Too funny! A boyfriend of mine at one time tried to be sweet and clean the house for me.. he too put liquid dishwashing soap into the dishwasher… COMICAL! I think my favorite though was him spraying my tile floors with disenfectant spray.. boy were they sticky afterwards.. lol.

  2. I’m with you on the vacuum cleaner thing. I get a new one about every 2 years. And don’t EVER turn cold water onto a HOT glass dish!!! Unless of course you want it to explode sending shrapnel soaring through the kitchen.

  3. I used a steel pad to clearn soap scum from a porcelain tub surface once! My wife sent me outside to rake leaves. I’m barred from delicate items, but can handle most other things. πŸ™‚

  4. Wow. I must be a domestic god, or something. I’ve cleaned out the fridge and the microwave and the oven and under all of them. And I’m the only one who’s ever done that. Wife? She runs over our welcome mat with the lawn mower. sigh.

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